See how our homeboy Victor Osimhen is dancing to an olden days Twist song while being held in a vice-grip by a funny soccer contract that he signed with his eyes open. What is happening to Victor today made me remember the 1960s dance called the Twist. It was made popular by Chubby Checkers’ hit song with the same title, Twist, which one local musician created as a version that he called twist egwu oku (the hot dance).
Here’s how to dance the twist.
Osimhen’s transfer troubles is truly egwu oku, served hot by an Italian football club called SSC Napoli. Think of the several twists and turns it has taken, garnished every step of the way by twisted tales from the media. At the rate it’s going, our Nollywood will get in on the act to produce one of its trademark twisted plots; we shall appropriately title it: “Twisted: The Man Who Couldn’t Leave Napoli.”
A Twisted Contract
It all started with a twist. Not the kind that happens in football when you sprain your ankle while scoring a hat trick. Osimhen’s twist comes wrapped in a ₦230 billion release clause tied neatly around his neck by Napoli President Aurelio De Laurentiis. Napoli didn’t just give Osimhen a contract; they gave him a designer necktie made of gold bars and handcuffs. See how our poor brother has been twisting and turning ever since, trying to wriggle out of it.
At first, it looked easy. Big clubs were circling. Chelsea was reportedly interested — they even cleared space on the Stamford Bridge injury list for him. PSG was supposedly keen — because why not buy another striker when you’ve got more forwards than France has cheese? Saudi clubs were ready to throw in a small country and an oil rig just to sweeten the deal. But no one wanted to dance with Napoli’s price tag. Every time a suitor approached, De Laurentiis would twist his moustache and add €10 million more.
The Media Twist
Then came the media, oh my very own people! Every morning, I woke up to headlines that could twist a spine. “Osimhen To Arsenal — Deal Imminent!” screamed one outlet, while another said, “Osimhen Turns Down Arsenal for Love of Napoli Pasta.” By afternoon, a third would claim he was spotted house-hunting in London with Mikel Arteta and a real estate agent named Luigi. At this rate, Osimhen is either moving to five clubs at once or starting a pan-European real estate business.
Each report contradicts the last. One day, Osimhen is “desperate to leave Galatasary,” and the next, he’s “committed to staying.” He’s had more emotional twists than a Nollywood heroine. He likes Napoli. No, he hates Napoli. He’s joining Al Hilal. Wait — he wants the Premier League. Scratch that — he’s building a mansion in Naples and opening a bakery. Who’s leaking this stuff? Is Osimhen writing fanfiction about himself?
Even Victor seems exhausted. His Instagram is now a careful blend of motivational quotes and “mind your business” energy. The poor guy can’t even post a gym selfie without someone zooming in to see if he’s sweating Premier League ambition or Serie A loyalty.
The Napoli Twist Continues
Meanwhile, Napoli is playing its own twisted game. They want to sell him — but only if you pay more than your stadium is worth. And when no one pays up, they act surprised: “Why is no one buying our striker?” Maybe because you priced him like a Picasso and wrapped him in red tape, as if he is a Nigerian oil block?
In truth, Osimhen deserves better. He deserves a smooth transfer, a clear path, and fewer plot twists than a Game of Thrones finale. But until then, we watch, scroll, and refresh — hopelessly hooked on this glorious, ridiculous, never-ending twist-fest.
There is no other way to appreciate this Osimhen saga than to recognize it as twisted. And we love reading every bit of it, don’t we?
You can’t deny it; you also read this one to the end!